Learnings begin

On the way home from the hospital Sarah's cell phone went off. It was for me and was the transplant network needing one hour (yep, ONE HOUR!!!) of my time for a medical interview to determine information necessary for transplant. What to say? I was holding on to the donation process as something positive coming out of this very bad day. It was something Ben and I had talked about numerous times and both wanted.  I knew enough to know in this day such intrusive questioning is beyond prudent, but. . . .I had grieving to do - my own, my children's and grands' and so many people to notify. Surely, an hour!!!! I let the process start and when we arrived in the driveway said "give me 20 minutes and call me back on the home phone." Exactly 20 minutes later I was back into the conversation. It is a gruelling process made better only through the awareness of the interviewer that it is cruel and gruelling for the responder. Several times different sections of the interview were introduced with an apology acknowledging the invasiveness of the questions to come. My special education background helped due to the background in medical conditions I had acquired through teaching severely disabled children and being around medical terms and diseases. Having a printed meds list also helped. I had earlier that evening (before I knew it wouldn't be needed, grabbed Ben's meds list from the refrigerator door). I was about 90% complete  on the written list and various questions led me to find the missing med and add it to the listing I had given. Finally, we were through. I had seen the phone light up several times while we were talking but couldn't interrrupt. Little did I know that an answering  machine with Ben's recorded voice suggested we couldn't come to the phone and to leave a message - very startling to his half-orphans! When I learnd about it later I had my son-in-law record over it but to this moment do not know how to get to the messages. First things first, at least now no one gets such a suddenly tragic response on the phone.
I thought about emailing friends and family and looked on Ben's email account only to see 297 email addresses, many for people I did not know. I sent off a well-placed notice to a close friend in powered parachute community knowing he would tell his dealers and the word would spread, sent another one to my sister-in-law in CA and a few others before I could do no more. Bed was not a viable choice so I went to chair and left the television on (which I would do 24 hours a day for many days) to drown out the sounds of silence in the house. No sleep, but a quiet emptiness filled the room.
I have a strong need to change how this transplant info is gathered. A dear doctor who has listened to me agrees, for a reason different from mine,. He questions the accuracy of the information gathered  in this way. I question the whole process including the cruelty, unintentional though it may be. I went through it because   that was how the transplant could happen and I knew that was step 1 in the pre-funeral process.of a mission  I don't know to change the process how right now but perhaps a microchip, a file somewhere in cyberspace that is accurate up to a point and only needs to be given the last known meds and medical info. I think if people know what their loved ones will be spared they will give this info on a pre-registry or even if nothing is done officially just knowing the process will halp someone do the process and  then join me in lobbying for changes.